Lost Hearts
by HannahLynne
Summary: [Set after Day of Doom. Natalie is alive] The Cahills are glad that everything is over and they can finally live in harmony. They have been through hell and they just want to settle down and be a family. But the pain of the past is haunting them, and maybe they're not ready to face the future. RATED T
1. one

WARNING: This story contains themes of depression and self-harm. This story may contain strong language and some sexual content.

Amy's nightmare was not unfamiliar, and yet is terrified her to no end. It was all a blur, but she remembered it so vividly. Every bad thing that happened in the past was with her now, it seemed. Every feeling of dread and fear was inside her. And she couldn't take it anymore.

Amy shot up in her bed, screaming. She realized where she was and stopped screaming. Her bedroom was dark, too dark. She grabbed her blanket and pulled it closer to her, breathing heavily and still scared. She heard footsteps in the hallway and then her door opened, light from the hallway streaming through.

"Amy?" Dan called her name, a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Amy said, her voice shaking. "It was just a dream."

"You're having nightmares again?" Dan frowned, walking to Amy's bed and sitting down. "I thought those stopped months ago."

"Me too." Amy put her head on her knees. "It's the same dream every time, so why am I still so _scared_? What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Ames." Dan said, rubbing her back.

Amy loved that Dan had matured. He was almost fifteen, but he was tall and muscular, with dark blonde hair and handsome features. He wasn't an eleven-year-old ninja anymore.

_So much has changed, _thought Amy. She inhaled deeply and tried to control her breathing.

"You haven't… cut yourself again, have you?" Dan asked.

Amy hesitated, guilty and sad.

"No," She lied. "I haven't."

"Okay." Dan said slowly. "I just want you to know that we're all here for you, Ames. We love you."

"We didn't used to." Amy said, angry. "We used to never get along with our family. They hated us, and used us. They tried to kill us."

"That's all in the past. I thought you were okay with them now?" Dan raised his eyebrows.

Amy sighed. "I am, I'm sorry. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Well, it's nearly five. You won't have much time to sleep."

"Darn." Amy said. "Well, you go get ready for the day. I'm going to take a shower."

"Alright." Dan said, standing up and walking away.

Amy watched him leave, and then put her head back in her knees and started crying. Silently, so that no one would hear her.


	2. two

_[Natalie and Sinead are enjoying coffee at a local café.]_

"So, how are you feeling?" Sinead asked, sipping on her iced vanilla macchiato. "Are the meds helping any?" Natalie's ribs were injured during a car crash a few weeks ago.

"A bit." Natalie sighed. "Although sometimes it hurts to breathe."

Sinead gave Natalie a sad smile. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"These clothes are soft and loose, and that helps a lot." Natalie said. She was wearing a grey knitted sweater and black yoga leggings. Her doctor had told her not to wear tight clothes or move around too much. No high heels, either. She had to wear flats instead.

"Yeah, and you still look fabulous in them." Sinead half-joked. Natalie really could rock any outfit. Especially with a messy bun, which is what hair-do she was styling today. She didn't even have much makeup on. Just some foundation, hot-cocoa lip gloss and a bit of mascara.

"Whatever." Natalie laughed, rolling her eyes.

There was a comfortable silence as they both finished their coffees, watching the light rain through the window. "You know," Natalie said in a small voice, "I thought once the whole Vesper thing was over, we'd finally be happy."

"And we were." Sinead said, frowning. "At least for a while. But we've lost so much. It's hard to let go."

"Yeah." Natalie nodded, tearing up. "But when I think about how horrible I used to be-"

"Stop. You were _not_ horrible. You were brought up to be cunning and, hell, you're a _Lucian_ for God's sake, you're not horrible. You're brilliant."

"I tried to kill you. I tried to kill everybody at one point."

"And I haven't?" Sinead took a deep breath. "The hunt for the thirty nine clues was when all of our monsters came out. But we learned to forgive each other and work together to defeat the Vespers."

"And what about Amy and Dan? They never tried to kill us. We hurt them the most and they still forgave us. Why?"

"Because they understand us. We're family, well, really distant family, but they knew how much the hunt meant. They set two million dollars up in flames for it. We all did."

Natalie wiped her eyes and laughed weakly. "God, my mascara's a mess."

_[Dan, Nellie, and Amy in the kitchen]_

"_Oh-my-gosh_ the concert was so fun. Seeing Sky Ferreira live was-"

"Um, Nellie?" Dan interrupted. "I'm sorry but we really don't care."

Nellie raised a pierced eyebrow and looked at Dan. "_Teenagers_." She snorted.

"Do we have any more coffee creamer left?" Amy asked, peering into the fridge.

"It's on the counter." Nellie said, turning around in her seat to look at Amy.

"Thanks." Amy gave Nellie a weak smile.

"Are you wearing.. makeup?" Nellie asked, squinting at Amy's face.

"Yeah, I have on some. Is that a problem?"

"No, no. I just… I've never seen you wear makeup before."

Amy laughed. "I actually own a lot of makeup. I just never find the time to put it on."

"Natalie would be proud." Nellie joked.

Dan smiled. "How is she? Natalie, I mean. I haven't seen her since.."

"The hospital? Yeah, she's fine. She went out for coffee with Sinead. They're coming over after they're done." Amy said, pouring coffee into a mug and putting creamer in it.

"Cool." Dan said, smiling to himself.

Nellie smirked. "Does someone have a _crush_?"

Dan made a face. "Is it wrong that I want to see her after she just recovered from a car crash?"

"No, I'm just-"

"Well, stop." Dan snapped.

Nellie looked hurt. She looked at Amy, who just shrugged.

"Dan, please. Try and be nice." Amy pleaded.

"Okay, okay.."

_[Natalie and Sinead arrive at the mansion.]_

"I'm nervous." Natalie blurts out as they're walking towards the front door.

"Why?" Sinead asked, pushing her wavy auburn hair out of her face.

"I don't know. I haven't seen them since before the accident and I don't know how they'll.."

"React?"

"Yeah."

Sinead gave Natalie a reassuring smile. "It'll be fine, I promise."

They knock on the door and wait for someone to open it. Natalie nervously bites her lip.

The door swings open and Dan is at the door, wearing a plain white t-shirt (a v-neck, Natalie notices) and skinny jeans. _Damn_, thought Natalie, _he's hot_.

"Hey." He greets them, smiling softly.

"Hi." Sinead beams, sliding past Dan. "Is Amy around?"

"Yeah, in the kitchen."

Natalie bit down harder on her lip. Dan turned back around to look at Natalie.

"Hey, Nat." He said quietly.

"Hi." She said.

"How're you doing?" He asked, concered. He scratched the back of his head.

_Damn, he looks so good._

"Good, I think." Natalie sighed, smiling sadly.

"Well, come in." Dan said.

Natalie stepped past him into the massive hallway. "I forget how big this place is sometimes." She said, looking around.

"Well, you haven't been here in a while."

"Yeah."

"I missed you."

Natalie looked at him, raising her (perfectly arched) eyebrows. "You did?"

Dan blushed. "Well, yeah. We all did."

"Natalie!" Amy came into the hallway, greeting Natalie with a small hug.

"Amy, hi." Natalie couldn't help but smile.

Being around Amy was a good feeling. Even though she knew Amy was depressed, she tries to keep a positive view on everything and was nice to everyone. She'd never try to hurt anyone, and that was something Natalie craved. Amy saw beauty in the simplest of things, and she never held a grudge.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Amy asked.

"Just some water. Thank you."

Amy nodded and went back into the kitchen to get the water. Natalie followed her and sat down at the kitchen table. Dan sat down next to her.

Amy handed Natalie a glass of iced water.

"Is Ian coming later?" Natalie asked.

"I don't know." Amy said.

Natalie sipped on her water. She sat in silence, not listening to anything. She was just focusing on Dan's words from earlier: _'I missed you.'_


	3. three

_[Evening at the mansion. Amy, Natalie, and Sinead are in Amy's room]_

"I didn't know you had all this makeup, Amy." Natalie said, going through Amy's makeup bag.

"Everyone's been saying that." Said Amy. "Did I really need it that much?"

"No, no, no. Of course not." Natalie said, rolling her eyes. "You have a great complexion. Your skin hardly ever breaks out. But these brands are my favorites."

"I try to find the best. You know, for special occasions." Amy said, sitting down on her bed.

Sinead was looking at Amy's bookshelf. "You have all of John Green's books. Do you actually read them, or just quote them for tumblr and Instagram?" She joked.

Amy laughed. "Okay, I know these books are mainstream, but honestly, he's my favorite author."

"Okay, okay." Sinead sat next to Amy. "So, how are you?"

Amy immediately frowned and looked down. "Therapy is helping some, but not much. How am I supposed to talk about my feelings without letting go of everything that has been happening for the past few years?"

Sinead gave her a knowing look. "You can't, we all know that. But what we also know is that we want you to be happy."

"Why am I like this? Why can't I be as strong as the rest of you?" Amy said before she broke into tears.

Natalie and Sinead looked at each other. Did Amy really not know how strong she was? She was so brave and she totally kicked ass through everything she had been through. She'd been through hell since her parents died when she was six years old. Everyone has their breaking point. Amy could take on a lot.

And she thought it was going to be over after the Vesper's, they all did. But they still had to deal with the pain. They knew they would, but it hurt so much. The only thought that kept them going was that they had each other. Amy was probably having a harder time with that because she'd been betrayed before, by all of them.

"You are strong." Natalie argued, sighing and pulling Amy into a hug. "You're the most badass girl we know."

"Yeah, you are." Sinead said, joining in the hug.

Amy smiled and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "Thanks, guys. You're amazing friends."

"Amazing family, you mean." Sinead joked.

_[Ian and Hamilton knock on the door of the mansion, and are greeted by Dan.]_

"Hey, my bro. How've you been?" Hamilton asked, giving Dan a fist bump as he walks in the door.

"Okay." Dan replied flatly.

"_Okay_?" Ian repeats. "What happened?"

"I think.." Dan hesitates, "I think Amy's cutting herself again."

"Again?" Ian asks, wide-eyed. "Is it worse than last time?"

Dan nodded, "Yeah."

Hamilton frowned and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Poor Amy. I mean, most of the time when people are depressed, they act out. Sometimes they do illegal things. They get drunk, smoke, go to parties. But Amy, she acts _in_. She punishes herself for being weak. But she's not weak."

"I know." Dan sighed, looking down. "I wish I could help her."

"We don't know what she needs to get better. We're all kind of sad." Ian said, "But Amy needs help. We should talk to her."

Dan shook his head. "That would put too much stress on her. I mean, you could try. Because she listens to you. She really likes having you in her life." He said to Ian.

Ian smiles slightly and shrugs. "I could give it a try."

Sinead, Natalie, and Amy appear at the top of the steps.

"Okay, we can have a party in the hallway." Hamilton said, laughing. "Who brought the beer?"

"You're not Jonah." Sinead said, rolling her eyes. "You can't drink legally yet. Don't get too carried away."

"How do you know I'm not already drunk?" Hamilton said, slurring his words and stumbling towards a wall in the hallway. He was pretending to be drunk. He picked up a sword hanging from the wall and swung it around.

"Put that back before you hurt yourself." Sinead narrowed her eyes at Hamilton.

"Okay, okay." Hamilton said. "I was only joking."

They all chatted in the hallway for a bit before Amy excused herself to the library. It was the only place that she could comfort herself. _Well, besides in Ian's arms._ Amy selected a random book. (It ended up being the dictionary) and sat down. She flipped to a random page and looked at the first word that came up.

_love_

_ləv/Submit_

_noun_

_1._

_an intense feeling of deep affection._

_"babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"_

Amy half smiled and then closed the book. The library door swung open and Ian walked in. He closed the door gently behind him and smiled at Amy.

"Hi, love." He said, walking up to her and sitting next to her on the couch.

"Hi." She said slowly, not sure about the conversation they were about to have.

"You know that you can trust me, right?" Ian asked, taking her hands in his.

"Definitely." Amy said, nervous. "Is there something wrong?"

"No. Well, yes actually. I'm worried about you. We all are."

Amy looked down and closed her eyes. "I know." She whispered.

"Look at me." Ian said softly, cupping Amy's face and looking into her eyes. "We love you."

"I know." Amy whispered again.

Ian let go of her face and took her hands in his again. "Can I ask you a question? And can you be a hundred percent honest with me?"

"Yes." Amy said, confused.

"But, first, let me see your wrist." Ian said.

"Um, my wrist?" Amy looked worried.

Ian took Amy's left hand and gently pushed back the sleeve. He took a deep breath and looked at the red marks and scars. "Are you cutting yourself?" He asked, looking into Amy's dark green eyes.

Her eyes always intrigued him. They always looked shiny and beautiful, the color of jade. But now, they looked scared. Scared and sad. And tears were sliding down her cheeks.

She nodded.

Ian wrapped his arms around her, embracing her with all the love he could. And he did really love her. He cared about her, and he would do anything for her. Why did she have to hurt herself?

"I love you, Amy." He whispered to her. "And you might not believe it, but I do. I need you in my life. You're amazing and you're lovely. You're always in my mind, and you'll always be in my heart. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."

Amy fell asleep like that, in his arms, his words still in her head. _I love you, Amy._

_._

_**PLEASE READ THIS**_

_**So, this story is obviously fiction, but it's extremely personal to me because I've been through depression, and it's a horrible experience. This fan-fic won't be completely sad, just so you know. It's going to be happy and enjoyable at times, and this fanfiction obviously has love at the core. The ships that will be included are: Danalie, Amian, Samilton, and maybe some Jellie.**_

_**Erm, I don't know how to end author's notes so uh. Biee**_

_**-Hannah Lynne **_


	4. four

_[The next day. Jonah, Natalie, and Dan are trying to find a movie on Netflix.]_

"How about Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" Jonah suggested.

Natalie grunted and grabbed the TV's remote out of Jonah's hands. "So lame." She said. "What about Pretty Little Liars?"

"Too girly." Dan scoffed.

"What? I love that show." Jonah said, pouting.

Dan gave Jonah a look. "Dude, that's not cool."

Rolling her eyes, Natalie clicked on Pretty Little Liars. "Which season are you on?" She asked Jonah.

"Season three, episode eighteen."

"You're so behind." Natalie smirked. "I've already finished season four."

Dan buried his head in a pillow and screamed.

"Don't be a baby." Natalie snapped, pushing Dan off the sofa.

He landed on the floor with a thud and turned to look at Natalie. "You know, you're really mean sometimes."

Natalie just laid down on the spot of the sofa she'd just pushed an off from and played the show. Dan stayed on the floor, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. Once the theme song started, Jonah cleared his throat.

"You know, man," He said, "You don't have to stay down there."

"But Princess over here took my spot on the sofa." Dan complained.

"Sit on her." Jonah shrugged.

Natalie shook her head. "How about no?"

"Sounds good to me." Dan smirked, standing up.

"No!" Natalie shrieked, sitting straight up, making room for Dan.

Jonah and Dan laughed.

_[Sinead and Amy, in Amy's room]_

"I hope the weather gets better soon." Sinead sighed, leaning on the window. "It's horrid outside."

"I like the rain." Amy commented. "The sound is relaxing."

"Even the thunder?" Sinead asked.

Amy nodded. "Especially the thunder."

Sinead sat next to Amy on the bed and glanced at the phone in Amy's lap. "Who's number is that?" She asked.

"The pharmacy down the street." Amy answered. "I'm going to refill my prescription."

"Of course. Your anti-depressants." Sinead said.

"So," Amy altered the topic, "Have you noticed anything different about Dan?"

Sinead thought for a moment. "Well, yeah. But don't think so much of it, Amy. He just needs to deal with some things. You know how he feels about Natalie."

"How could I not?" Amy smirked. "The only two people who _haven't_ realized he's head-over-heels in love with her are he and Natalie."

"For a Lucian, she's pretty much clueless."

They laughed.

_[Jonah and Natalie, fixing dinner]_

"I hate cooking." Natalie complained as she poked the sizzling chicken with the spatula.

"Me too." Jonah nodded, "But at least we don't have to clean up the kitchen afterward, right?"

"Actually, you do." Natalie said. "But I don't."

Jonah cursed under his breath.

Natalie ignored him and reached into a cabinet to grab some spices for the chicken.

"What smells so good?" Dan asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Dinner." Said Jonah. "We're good chefs, right?"

Dan smirked. "I'm just glad you two didn't burn the house down yet."

Natalie frowned. "Daniel, don't be such a-"

"Don't say it." Dan interrupted, rolling his eyes. He tried to reach into the pan to grab a bit of chicken, but Natalie smacked his hand away.

"Hands off our masterpiece." She said. Dan surrendered, his hands in the air.

"Okay, alright." He backed off.

Natalie smiled.

Dan always tried to make her happy, and he always put on a smile when she was around him. She knew that he was fighting behind his smiles, and she appreciated that he was so strong. She remembered when they were eleven, and loathed each other. Now, Natalie couldn't imagine having an undesirable though about Dan. But she used to act so ghastly to him, to everybody…

"Nat, hey, Natalie. Why are you crying?" Dan saw Natalie in front of the stove, her hands in her face, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry." Natalie sobbed into Dan's shirt.

Jonah turned off the stove. "You can take Natalie away for a while. I'll fix dinner."

Dan nodded and led Natalie into the living room sofa. She sat down next to him and eventually stopped crying. Dan just sat there, rubbing her hands and telling her everything is going to be okay.

"Okay." Natalie sniffled. "I think I'm done."

Dan pulled Natalie into a hug. "You had me so worried. What's wrong?"

"Do I have to answer?" Natalie laughed humorlessly.

Dan was silent.

Natalie sighed, "Why can't I be like you?"

"Are you serious?" Dan asked. "You're amazing, just the way you are. You don't have to be anybody else."

"But-"

"No." Dan said firmly.

The doors opened and Ian and Amy walked in.

"Natalie, are you okay?" Ian asked.

Natalie nodded and stood up, pulling away from Dan. "I think so." She said.

Amy looked at Dan, "Your football friends are here."

Dan grunted, "Now?"

Amy frowned.

"You told them they could come over to play video games, so-"

"I know. I'll be right out." Dan stood up and gave Natalie a quick hug before walking out of the room.

He was greeted by three of his friends that play football with him; Adam, Luke, and Flynn.

"Damn, are we having a party or something?" Luke asked, "Because there's loads of people here already."

Dan shook his head. "Nah, just some close friends that hang around here."

Luke shrugged, "Cool with me, bro."

They all crowded into Dan's room and sprawled around, playing video games and talking out girls. Dan kept silent, his mind only on one person: _Natalie_. He loved her voice, the way she had a nice British accent when she spoke. He loved her naturally tanned skin, the perfect coffee and cream tone. Her dark hair was long and silky, but he liked when she put it up in a bun. He was in love with _her_ as a whole, how her personality shined through her flawless smile.

She'd changed a lot. She was selfless and beautiful-

"What about you, Dan?" Nathan asked.

"Hmm?"

"Who are you crushing on?"

Oh," Dan coughed, "_Somebody_."

Flynn rolled his eyes. "We're not in middle school anymore, Dan." He said, "You can tell us."

"Her names Natalie," Dan admitted, "But she doesn't go to our school."

Luke smirked, "Have you kissed yet? Are you dating? Does she know-"

Dan held up his hand, signaling for Luke to shut up. "No." He said flatly.

Luke tilted his head. "Is she hot?"

"Well, yeah."

"Does she like you back?"

"I don't know."

"_Hmm_."

Dan coughed uncomfortably and shifted his gaze to the television set to watch Adam and Flynn play a new video game about zombies. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. Why did he have to be so upset all the time? Dan was in a continuous bad mood and he was genuinely tired of it. It wasn't natural or fair that someone his age, fourteen, would be this disheartened and sad. There was only one person that could lift his mood; Natalie.

He wanted her, so badly. He dreamt of kissing her, of being her beau. It seemed childish and hopelessly pathetic, but it was true. He even had a long playlist on his iPod of songs that reminded him of her.

_I want her_, he thought. _I need her_.

_**:**_

_**Oh my gosh, sorry for the sucky update. I needed to get something out, so here you go. The next part will be more happy and upbeat, and maybe longer. I hope this satisfies until then. **_


End file.
